A word that has often been on my mind in recent months, and nearly constantly for the last couple of weeks, is "passion." About 10% of my thoughts involving the word can probably be attributed to my anticipation for the new Passion Pit album (check out their single "Take a Walk," it rocks). But the other 90% deal with something a bit more pressing.
It dawned on me fairly recently that I did not possess any particular passion, or at least not one that I had ever pursued. When I say "passion," I mean a serious interest that a person finds meaningful and fulfilling, and acts on not because it is required of him or her, but solely for the love of that interest. I know people who have such a passion, be it for music, writing, or art. They are driven to pursue their interests through education and work, and in their spare time, because they know what they love. And I am truly jealous of them.
Passion like that is rare. Very few people I know have it, and many will never find it. I do not not want to be one of those people. Life is short, and I have no interest in wasting it doing something I don’t love. I refuse to go to work every day and sit at a desk from nine to five counting down the hours until I can leave, just to make enough money so I can go home exhausted, eat dinner, pass out, and do it all again the next day.
I want to be clear that there are many happy people who have jobs they don’t love. A person can have a passion that’s entirely separate from his or her career. But I want to love what I do, and not dread Monday morning like an appointment for route canal. And that means finding my passion.
The Plan Before
Until very recently I was fairly sure I wanted to go into the field of law. I’m not exactly sure how or when I came to that decision, but I know that my aptitude for critical thinking, logic, and debate was a key factor. But mostly, I think the decision came from some faulty reasoning that boiled down to this:
“I don’t know what I want to do with my life. All I’ve experienced so far is education, so furthering that education with law school sounds like a sensible option. I’m smart and great at devising an argument, and I could make good money, so I’ll probably enjoy being a lawyer.”
I’m not saying this reasoning is totally off-base. I know I’d be a great lawyer. But my decision came from a place of uncertainty, and is mired in a sense of “playing it safe.” For all I know, I’d love a career in law. But that would require a lot of schooling, money, and stress, not to mention three years of my youth. All sacrifices I’d be willing to make, mind you, if I knew that law was my passion.
But I’m just not sure. All I know is that I won’t be motivated to get up for work each day, or satisfied with my life in general, unless I’m doing something I really care about. I want a job that allows me to be creative, inspires me to take initiative, and constantly challenges me in new ways. And I think to find a job like that, I have to figure out what it is I enjoy most.
The Plan Now
So I did some thinking, and I realized the answer was right in front of me: I love film and I love television. That might sound kind of ridiculous. Who doesn’t love movies and TV? But I really love them. I’m the guy that knows the name of that obscure actor no one can place. I’m the guy that googles a movie right after he watches it. I’m the guy that falls asleep replaying the latest episode in his head. Movies and TV have always been a necessary form of escapism for me, and I find myself invested in the stories and characters. Film and television might just be my passion.
From this realization, it was no great leap to my next conclusion: I need to work in the entertainment industry. I’m not sure in what capacity yet (though the idea of being a producer has begun to take root), or what path I’ll take to get there. Maybe I’ll still go to law school, and try to break in as an entertainment lawyer or a talent agent. Or maybe I’ll move to New York City after graduation and take a job getting coffee for a director, and work my way up from there. But I know that whatever I do in the industry, I’ll be contributing to a creative process that I’m personally invested in.
It’s clear that I have to do some hard thinking and make a lot of changes to get where I want to be. At this point, I can’t be completely sure that entertainment is my passion, though it certainly feels right. I am going to pursue it to find out. If twenty years from now I’m a successful executive producer, well, that would be great. But if I’m not, if I’m doing something entirely different, at least I can say I tried to find my passion. I would encourage others to do the same.
